Another pregnancy come and gone, and still no desired result. The news Dave and I received on Christmas Eve: "You're not pregnant after all. But you may have an ectopic pregnancy. We don't know. You can't go on your cruise. You need to take a chemo drug to kill all the cells. You can't try to get pregnant again for several months. Merry Christmas."
I feel like I'm in a bad dream. Not only are our hopes of this next pregnancy crushed, but now we have to stay home and have salt poured in our wounds every day. Our Christmas was spent in tears. And now Dave's birthday will not be spent slow dancing on top of a cruise ship in 80 degree weather like we had planned- instead we will be home in the cold.
Winter is my least favorite of the seasons; the cold and the dark take a toll on my mood and emotions. But usually Christmas is the warm highlight of the winter. Not this year. Christmas is supposed to be a time when your heart feels full, with so much joy and love. Yet mine feels shattered and broken. How can others have a "Merry Christmas" when I feel so miserable? How can the rest of the world open gifts with smiles and cheer when I can barely pull myself together? Why are Dave and I the "downers" of our friends and families, with people feeling awkward and uneasy around us? What has happened to the Holly I used to know?
My list of unanswered questions goes on and on. What am I to do in the coming year to change the current course my life is taking? 2009 has felt like the evil step-sister of the previous years of my life. I can only hope and pray that 2010 is more graceful, kind, sweet, and gentle.
We need not travel far to have a good time! We spent a day at the Homestead in Midway and had a blast. We started off with some tubing, lazy style- where the rope tow drags you up the hill. But the rides up were half the fun~
The mineral water natural crater served as our warm water destination. Oh how I love swimming when the water is warm!
These ice sculptures were quite the sight- the pictures don't do them justice. It made me want to be an ice princess and live in a castle like that.
I wish we could make a tradition of this and do it every year! I wanted to stay longer and go snowshoeing, x-country skiing, relax with a good book, and sleep in for a few more days. What a great way to start Dave's birthday celebrations. 
The woman who started it all and has shared her skills with the rest of us. As this year's official "
Dress code for the day: 
My two personal favorites: 