I don't know

How do I go on when my world has fallen apart?

Why must I say goodbye to my child when our life together has only just begun?

How can I be brave when my worst fears have come true?

How can my eyes physically produce this many tears?

What can I do to feel better when nothing can change what has happened?

I don't know.

I DO know that little Miles is a part of our family now and forever, and I will be with him for eternity.

I know that Heavenly Father loves me, Dave, and our children and has a plan for our family.

I know that I am surrounded by prayers, fasting, thoughts, support, and love from everyone we know.

I know that I am honored to be the mother to a beautiful baby boy who is too perfect for this imperfect world.

I know that when I feel like I can't face another day, the Lord answers my prayers through each person who gives me courage, strength, and faith to endure.

Thank you for being that person. Thank you for each hug, note, prayer, thought, and bit of love. Not only do I appreciate it more than you know, I think I need it more than I know.

trick or treat

This is what you'll find when you come knocking at our door tonight. What would you pick?

And this is who you'll find standing inside.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Monster Mash

Looks like Dracula himself decided to throw a party, with the help of his witchy wife, of course. Let the cosume parade begin!

the gypsy from Transylvania

Life really is a circus with the Walkers

I don't know how that little mermaid survives the spookiness around her!

You would think Mario would bring his go-kart.... and interesting how Jeff just happened to have all the ingredients for a nerd costume....

Practicing for next year's event... turkey legs on a string!

If you like it then you should've put a ring on it... oh oh oh

I wonder if the ladybug is Team Edward or Team Jacob

Prizes to suit all your Halloween wishes, from glow stick wands and stretchy spiders to grow-your-own skeletons. It's like a Hogsmeade store!

you can call me...

Call me lazy... I haven't been to the gym in months, and don't plan on going any time soon.
Call me unadventurous... we have no vacations planned for at least the next 6 months.
Call me a picky eater... my selection of favorite foods has been narrowed down to Golden Grahams, grilled cheese sandwiches, watermelon, and BLTs.
Call me a teenager... I've never had more zits in my life than I do now.
Call me the sandman... 11 hours of sleep each day seems to be barely enough.
Call me chubby... the pounds keep creeping on and I assume will continue to do so.
Call me hopeful, determined, excited, nervous, and a bit crazy for even trying this whole thing again.
Call me what you want.... I'm calling myself pregnant.


This whole process of becoming parents has not been an easy one for Dave and I. It's been filled with some of our highest highs and definitely our lowest lows. This little one on the way will always know it has 2 older brothers and an older sister in heaven, watching over our family members here on earth. I deeply and truly appreciate all of our family and friends that have continued to offer their support, encouragement, understanding, and love. I hope that I can offer these same things to others that may be going through similar trials. Throughout this journey, I continue to learn more and more about patience, faith, prayer, hope, and trusting in the Lord's will and timing. I know He has a plan for the Watkins family, and Dave and I couldn't be more excited about this addition- our little peanut is quite the big deal around here!

Brittany, aka Lucy

Yesterday was a sad day for my family. I could write pages about our loyal, tender, patient dog but I think this puts it perfectly. Thank you Lori for writing something so eloquent and perfect for our special Brittany.

rockin' the suburbs

Ben Folds + Utah Symphony + Deer Valley + 2 days before my birthday= favorite concert. Ever. If only it would have lasted 12 hours instead of 2!

peas please

peas: one of the first of the summer vegetables. bright green, crisp, delicious. but what to do with pounds and pounds of them? suggestions would be appreciated...

El San Juan

Thanks to dave's super-cool boss, we were able to spend a few extra days in Puerto Rico... just to relax after a week of stressful cruising :)

What a way to end a vacation- massages on the beach, brunch overlooking the ocean, enjoying the ocean breeze with pina coladas in hand.

This cruise was a long time coming, but definitely well worth the wait, some of our favorite days we've spent together.

St. Croix & St. Maarten

St. Croix was full of swimming, snorkeling, seashell hunting, and sailboats,

while St. Maarten gave us parasailing, scooter rides, and "interesting" beaches...

Antigua & St. Lucia

a little birdie told me that St. Lucia is one of the most awesome places in the world!

can you spot dave in this picture?

always in search of a good shell, especially a conch!

Antigua reminded me alot of LOST

see what I mean?

the view from the top of Bird Island, St. Lucia

Antigua had tropical fruit just falling from the sky, like these baby bananas. that girl on youtube that says breastmilk is "better than a mango even" must have never tried one from Antigua; those suckers had our mouths watering all day.

we really got a dark tan... just kidding. Made famous by The Bachelor, these mineral mud baths and waterfalls were not only loads of fun but also the best natural spa treatment out there!

i love it when we're cruisin' together

can you spot dave in this picture of our ship?
Dave felt right at home with all the people speaking creole... i was totally out of the loop.

only moments after this picture was taken, this monkey jumped on dave's face, which made me jump about 15 feet!

and only moments after this picture, dave decided to jump off the pier and swim back to land. good thing he has a caring wife who will carry his hat, wallet, and shoes for him...

Beautiful Barbados!

signs of spring:

signs of spring fever:

Grandpa Jo

My dear Grandpa Jo passed away peacefully March 11 after a full, long, wonderful life. His funeral was inspiring to me, making me want to give more service, love more deeply, and act more unselfishly. My grandpa was a hard worker, dedicated to his family, his country and most importantly, the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I have many wonderful memories of grandpa, and feel so blessed to have grown up with him in my life. When I turned 8 years old, he took me out to lunch to Chili's and showed me his collection of silver dollars. I got to choose any one I wanted to keep as my own! This was such a treasure to me, I had my mom keep it safe in her closet; I didn't want to risk ever losing it. And at 8 years old, my mom's closet seemed like the safest place I could ever imagine.

Grandpa Jo used to call our cat, Fluffy, "that black cat." I thought this was so funny, because Fluffy wasn't black, but white with black spots. I got a kick out of it every time.

Grandpa Jo always treated my grandma with more patience, kindness, and love than ever thought possible. I can still hear him saying "now, Ann..." as he tried to calm her down when she got all riled up about something (which happens quite often.) At one point, my grandma wasn't able to watch The Young and the Restless, of which she has been a faithful follower since the show began. So my grandpa watched it for her, taking notes on the intriguing plot and love affairs of these deep, well-rounded characters so that my grandma could stay up to date with her favorite show. Now if that's not true love, I don't know what is.

During my grandpa's final days, he comforted his wife of over 60 years by remarking that they've had a great adventure together. This brings me to tears because it is oh, so true. My grandma and grandpa Jo have lived humble, loving lives, sharing their spirit and kindness with their 6 children, and an army of grandchildren, in-laws, and great grandchildren. I hope Grandpa Jo knows how much I love him and what a great example he was to me, and that his legacy will live on forever.